On future gas prices: 3 Surefire Ways To Combat Rising Gas PricesBy Timothy Ward, Fri Dec 9th 3 Surefire Ways to Combat Rising Prices by Tim Ward I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland aboutthe recent spike in gasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem tohear about lately. But at least it keeps you from rumbling aboutthe infrequency of my columns and articles. Nonetheless, I havedecided to try to help you get through this crisis by generouslyproviding: 3 Ways to Combat Rising Prices! 1. Don't Drive Your Car This is, of course, the most obvious solution. If you never takethe old Plymouth out the driveway, then it won't matter that atcurrent prices it takes $125 to fill up the 30 gallon gastank, or that you only get about 2.51 miles to the gallon. Ifyou never drive, you could care less. Of course, I know what you're going to say. "But Tim, I haveplaces I need to go-like work. And the kids have school andsoccer practice. And then there's grocery shopping and yogalesssons and dinner at the Richardsons and blah blah blahand...." Ok, I get the point. Not everyone can sit around thehouse writing not-so-funny articles and searching the Internetfor Drew Barrymore photos like me. I fully understand that someof you have a life. But just because you don't drive your owncar doesn't mean you can't get around. The answer? 2. Carpool It's seems so simple now doesn't it. Instead of using yourgas-Use Someone Elses! Have someone else pay $5.50 a gallon forgas to take your kids to school. Make someone else dip intotheir retirement fund just so they can cover the bill neededto get you to the office and back everyday. Make someone elseget a second job so that they can have a full tank of intheir SUV when your daughter needs to cruise the mall. It's sosimple. Of course, the concept behind carpooling is that everyone takesturns driving. So in a normal carpool situation you wouldeventually be required to use your car and spend your moneydriving others around. But this is not a Normal CarpoolSituation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). In aTWCPS you avoid using your own car by making it so that theother carpool participants would rather walk barefoot on 120degree asphalt than ride with you. You achieve this by: (a) never washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking andsmelling like the county landfill. (b) Have the worst behaved child in your family sitting in thefront seat at all times. Feed the child lots of candy so he/sheis always superhyper. (c) Refuse to discuss anything in your car except your spousesbad bathing habits, bodily fluids, hang nails, chest hair, etc. (d) Only play reggae music on the radio. Loud! You shouldn't have to worry about anyone wanting to ride withyou ever again. 3. Ride the Bus/Subway Many cities have a mass transit system that is an alternative todriving your own vehicle. If you live in a city that doesn'thave one don't worry-you can always move. Of course, ridingpublic transportation does have a few drawbacks, but these canbe easily overcome if you follow these simple guidelines: 1. No matter what happens never, ever make eye contact withanyone. Making eye contact is an invitation for someone to mugyou. 2. No matter what happens never, ever give up your seat toanyone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken as aninvitation to mug you. 3. No matter how tempted you are never, ever strike up aconversation with the person sitting next or across from you.This is very annoying and can be taken as an invitation forsomeone to mug you. Or worse, for someone to talk back. 4. Always make sure you are alert to get on and off at the rightstop. Getting off at the wrong stop can lead to immediatemugging. 5. Never, ever take children with you on public transportation.Fellow passengers hate children. Children make you definite mugvictim material. Well, there you have it. 3 ways to deal with rising prices.Hopefully, you will be able to use these methods to keep fromspending twice your car's Blue Book value just going to Walmart.Hopefully, next time your friends are grumbling and rantingabout the mounting prices you will be able to just sit backand smile, content because the issue no longer concerns you.Hopefully, I've once more helped my loyal readers in a time ofcrisis. And all I ask in return as a simple thank you next timeyou see me. Just make sure we're not on the bus. I'd hate tohave to mug you... About the author:Timothy Ward invites you to subscribe to his weekly humor column'I Never Said I Was Normal' at Another decent article on future gas prices: Lets Talk About Getting Better Gas Mileage. Off-site
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